Monday, January 12, 2009

i hate doctors

i just paid 20 bucks for a cold remedy because these dickhole doctors haven't found the cure yet. of course there's the conspiracy theory that they have the cure, but there's no money in the cure, which gives me even more reason to hate them. imagine how much shit could get done in a day if nobody was ever sick.
the worst part about staying home sick is that abusing cough medicine is a lot less fun than the rappers made it out to be, but that's probably just because you can't get the shit with codeine and promethazine over the counter here.
and what happens when doctors get sick? i wanna know what the hell they're taking. they probably just pump themselves full of morphine until the whole thing blows over. morphine is the shit. one time me and my friend did morphine and ended up wandering around the gay district on our way to find somewhere we could get a few beers. now that i think about it in that situation we were ripe for the picking, we were lucky to make it out of there with our buttholes intact.
i don't know how much tv i have watched because of sick days. i've seen every episode of the weekenders and recess at least ten times. because of being sick tv has lost it's magic.
you know when you wake up after a hearty night of getting awesome and your mouth feels like soggy cotton and no matter how many times you brush it doesn't go away? that's what i've had the past four days, only i haven't had the satisfaction of knowing i was drunk the night before.
if the doctors aren't going to cure the common cold then someone should at least give us access to harder drugs. and someone really, truly needs to start making new cartoons for daytime television, ones that don't suck. i'd be perfectly fine with being sick if i could get ripped on barbituates and watch spongebob and patrick get themselves into all new wacky undersea adventures.
fuck doctors.